| As Yogi Berra said, "It ain't over till it's over." Right now | | | | and Zen into the zone. Tiger Woods is known for |
| it looks like earthlings are just about to follow the | | | | holding his composure while those around him crack |
| dinasours into extinction in nuclear world war 3 and its | | | | under the indescribable pressure. Johnny Miller is |
| aftermath nuclear winter then ultraviolet summer. | | | | always talking about how in his day Lee Trevino or |
| However it isn't over till it's over. Just ask Morgan | | | | Arnold Palmer or Tom Watson would come charging |
| Pressel. | | | | like Secretariat on Sunday with a 64 and how today |
| 18 year old blonde pixie Morgan Pressel stood on the | | | | the average score of Tiger Woods' playing partner in |
| 18th green yesterday at the the ladies' first major golf | | | | the final group is 79. Has Tiger Woods sold his soul to |
| tournament of the year the Dinah Shore Kraft Nabisco | | | | Satan? Does Budddhism recognize Satan? If not he's |
| at 2 under par. At the time, Norwegian golfer Suzann | | | | the red guy behind the ropes with the horns and pointy |
| Pettersen was on the 15th hole with a four shot lead | | | | tail who smells like sulfur. |
| over Morgan Pressel with four holes to go. It was at | | | | The Jewish name for demons is the "dybbuk". Morgan |
| this moment that Morgan Pressel's late mother Kathy | | | | Pressel says that her Jewish faith is very important to |
| Krickstein took the golden pixie dust from her pouch | | | | her. Jewish people wear red bendels, red ribbons to |
| and sprinkled it all over the Mission Hills Golf Course in | | | | ward off evil spirits. Morgan Pressel is the first Jewish |
| Rancho Mirage California. | | | | Major champion unless you count Cory Pavin, a born |
| Morgan Pressel said, "My mom is always with me and | | | | again Christian. This week Pope Benedict XVI said that |
| I know that she's proud of me." Two years ago | | | | Hell and Demons exist. The Pontiff will be using Holy |
| Morgan's 42 year old mom lost her battle with breast | | | | Water and smoke and about 217 other rituals this |
| cancer and Morgan is being raised by her pathologist | | | | week to cleanse the Vatican of evil spirits, not to |
| papa Herb Krickstein and her bubie Evelyn Krickstein | | | | mention his Callaway golf hat. The most glaring |
| who held Morgan's hand as they took the celebratory | | | | showing off by supernatural beings occurred at |
| jump into the lake on 18 after Morgan became the | | | | Winged Foot on 18 when the late Davis Love Jr. |
| youngest major champion ever in ladie's golf. Asked, | | | | canopied the 18th green celebrating his son's first |
| "How was the jump into the pond?" Morgan said, "Wet | | | | Major PGA title with a magic rainbow. |
| and cold but I'd like to do it again." | | | | The Zapruder film shows Satan himself firing the |
| For those people who don't believe in curses go read | | | | magic bullet from the grassy knoll into John Kennedy's |
| about the Kennedy family and the Anna Nicole Smith | | | | head. The question is, "Do legendary collapses occur |
| family. The only way for Dannielynn Smith to top | | | | because the winner sold his soul to Satan or because |
| Caroline Kennedy now would be if she were to choke | | | | the winner was blessed by God and the archangels |
| on a piece of gefilte fish at the Passover Seder | | | | Michael, Gabriel, Uriel and Raphael or because some |
| tonight like John Kennedy's sister did. | | | | evil person cursed the leader or because the leader |
| Two years ago 16 year old Morgan Pressel was | | | | suffered from either shattering nerves or mental |
| standing in the middle of the 18th fairway at the U.S. | | | | defect?" Yesterday in the Dinah Shore Suzann |
| Open tied with Birdie Kim for the lead. Birdie was 10 | | | | Pettersen closed bogey, double bogey, bogey and |
| miles from the hole in the right green side bunker when | | | | then parred the par 5 18th which Morgan Pressel |
| Birdie blew Morgan Pressel's brains out with a magic | | | | birdied. Suzann Pettersen was the first ever golfer |
| bullet bunker shot into the bottom of the cup snatching | | | | from Oslo Norway which is just south of Hell Norway. |
| victory away from Morgan who looked like she had it | | | | Hell Norway is just East of Greenland which melted |
| in the bag. The odd thing is how often this happens in | | | | during the Dinah Shore. |
| golf. Greg Norman got shot in the head in the Masters | | | | Tiger Woods won the latest British Open and PGA |
| playoff when Larry Mize holed an impossible pitch shot, | | | | and is going this week for his third consecutive major |
| in the PGA when Paul Azinger holed an impossible | | | | championship and his second Tiger Slam. Tiger Woods |
| bunker shot on 18 and in Hawaii when Robert Gamez | | | | won 3 straight U.S. amateurs. At 16 Morgan Pressel |
| rubbed salt in the holes in Greg's bullet ridden head by | | | | won the U.S. woman's amateur. At the age of 12 |
| holing out on 18 from 175 yards. | | | | Morgan Pressel became the youngest person ever to |
| Equally amazing in golf is how often players collapse | | | | qualify for the U.S. Woman's Open. She didn't come |
| coming down the stretch. This coming Sunday April 8, | | | | from nowhere. It's just that everyone has been |
| 2007 is Easter Master's Sunday. They say that the | | | | focusing on Michelle Wie for her prodigious length off |
| Masters doesn't start until the back nine on Sunday. | | | | the tee. Unfortunately Michelle can't chip or putt and |
| The golf Messiah Tiger Woods says that his Buddhist | | | | she lost Dave Pelz's phone number. |
| faith has helped him to forget himself down the stretch | | | | |